Japanglish Fantasy League Vocabulary #6

Like all persecuted peoples, anime fans dream of escaping to a Promised Land, where they will be free from persecution. For the otaku, that Promised Land is Japan.

"Let my people Goku!"

It is true that your average Japanese person is more likely than your average American (or what-have-you) to read the occasional manga or buy a Tony Chopper cellphone strap. They also have about as much respect for rabid anime fans as they would for, say, animal tortue enthusiasts or flesh eating bacteria with poor table manners.

Or, Koreans

Upon arriving in Japan, foreign Otaku often find it easier to deny their nerdish interests, despite that being the reason they came to the country in the first place. Which brings us to today's vocabulary:

Notaku - n. 1). An anime enthusiast in denial.

2). "I'm not an anime fan, I just like Miyazaki films. Well, and Cowboy Bebop. And One Piece. And Berserk. And Hanaukyo Maid Team La Verite. And..."

3). 90% of English-speaking foreigners in Japan.

Usage: "Brad? That f***ing Notaku's wall of shame is twice as big as mine."

"Notaku? I'm not a Notaku. I just like Miyazaki films. Well, and Cowboy Bebop. And..."

Japanglish Fantasy League Vocabulary #4

Homodachi - n. 1). Your gay friend. 2). Your "Hetero Life Partner" 3). Pretty much anyone in the room at karaoke after five double shots of whiskey and "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

See also: Tomodachi, Homo, Bromance, Bro-hug, Good Game

Why we need this word: We don't particularly need this word, but it is fun to say. What's more, this linguistic corruption often gets a laugh out of native speakers too.

Japanglish Fantasy League Vocabulary #3

J-Kaiwa - n. 1). A Japanese language conversation class, where you learn the passive verb form, and that your Japanese will never be as good as that of a 19-year-old Malaysian immigrant worker.
2). The serpent of English education swallowing its own tail.
3). What you will blow off for karaoke.

See also: Eikaiwa, Washed-Up Japanese Major, Ouroboros

Why we need this word: Because if you corrupt your English with words like this, it covers up the fact that your Japanese is not getting any better. Because you are too lazy to say "Japanese language conversation class."

Japanglish Fantasy Leage Vocabulary #2

Sushi-Go-Round - n. 1). A conveyor-belt sushi restaurant, the concept of which frightens and confuses your grandmother in the way that fire frightens and confuses cavemen.
2). The single most delicious method of sushi transportation.
3). The signature move of the WWF's short-careered wrestler, Japan Man.
See: Kaiten sushi, Sushiro, Kappa Sushi

Why we need this word: Because your friends visiting from back home in Wisconsin are already skittish about eating raw fish and "conveyor-belt sushi" sounds rather unsanitary.

Japanglish Fantasy Leage Vocabulary #1

Today, the first in a series of words that don't exist, but should.


Uncle Tomoki - n. 1). A person who has confused the term Japanese with the word superior.
2). An asshat who thinks he's Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai.
See: Uncle Tom, Weeaboo, Wapanese.

Why we need this word: Because these people are annoying, and the more terms we have to ridicule them, the better. Because nobody but a Weeaboo would know the word "Weeaboo."