Japanglish Fantasy League Vocabulary #3

J-Kaiwa - n. 1). A Japanese language conversation class, where you learn the passive verb form, and that your Japanese will never be as good as that of a 19-year-old Malaysian immigrant worker.
2). The serpent of English education swallowing its own tail.
3). What you will blow off for karaoke.

See also: Eikaiwa, Washed-Up Japanese Major, Ouroboros

Why we need this word: Because if you corrupt your English with words like this, it covers up the fact that your Japanese is not getting any better. Because you are too lazy to say "Japanese language conversation class."

The Circle of Dumb

So there's a certain point in speaking Japanese (and probably any language), where you can communicate just enough to sound truly retarded. I am at this point. Because, you see, most people are mentally prepared for the basic mistakes. But it takes a true mastery of a language, a finesse if you will, to lure people into just enough of a false sense of security that you can drop a the reverse-Engrish bomb of epic proportions.

Anyway, I say stupid things in Japanese almost daily.

I Say "Tomato," You Say "あぁ、ええと..."

For an update about the comic, scroll down to the bottom.

In JET, we do what's called "Team Teaching." This means that a native English speaker will teach alongside a Japanese English teacher, because the English speaker has no teaching experience and can't communicate with the students in their native language and the Japanese teacher's pronunciation and understanding of the little intricacies of word usage may not be...perfect. Which, in theory, is a pretty good setup.

The problem is, I'm an Elementary School ALT. And the Japanese Ministry of Education decided that all homeroom teachers in Elementary schools should start teaching English, even though they already teach approximately 50 other subjects, are expected to be more involved in their student's upbringing than the parents, and have little to no experience with English.

Which can be just a touch annoying when you're trying to make lesson plans.

I'm halfway decent at Japanese overall, but my weakest area is definitely the spoken language. When forming a sentence beyond the difficulty level of "I like dogs!", I usually end up spouting a slew of incomprehensible gibberish. The worst part is, my listening skills are good enough that I can actively realize how little sense I make in real time.

And even this wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't in the Kansai region. Trying to understand the Kansai dialect is like trying to figure out a fast-talking hillbilly's opinion on immigration reform, while said hillbilly is undergoing a severe stroke. やねん？

I have found away around the first problem though. No matter how confusing my Japanese may be to the other teachers, it's infinitely less terrifying than the alternative: English. After rattling off a few sentences in the mother tongue, they're more than happy to put up with my Japanese. Guess they prefer I be the one who sounds like an idiot?

COMIC UPDATE:

Comics are delayed until I get a scanner. On the bright side, there are plenty of new ones to go up once that condition is met.