Japanglish Fantasy League Vocabulary #5

Japanese Dinosaur - n. 1). A Japanese woman who holds her handbag like the mighty Tyrant Lizard:

(I couldn't find a good picture, but this should give you the general idea)

2). The 45-year-old woman you picked up at Pure¹ last night.

See Also: Velociraptor, Louis Vuitton

1Pure - n. 1). An infamous foreigner pick-up nightclub.
2). A wretched hive of villany and English teachers.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

I love me some Japanese food something fierce. It's one of the main reasons I came back (which seems like a really horrible reason, until you imagine having a craving for a tuna onigiri for two damn years). Sure, there are a few inedible things like umeboshi or natto, but in general, shit be delicious. The main exception to this rule of deliciousness is breakfast. The traditional Japanese breakfast is essentially the worst parts of lunch and dinner, with miso and rice.

Meanwhile in America Damn It, we got waffles, pancakes, sausages, bacon, omelets, biscuits, cereal, and occasionally, fresh fruit. And that's just a SINGLE DISH at Denny's. We haven't even gotten into such variations as the chocolate chip pancake or the biscuit sandwich. American breakfast is so freaking sweet, I will sometimes eat it three times a day. It is not a meal. It is an institution.

All Americans Always Wear American Flags. Always.

So after drawing this comic, I realized it was this comic, in reverse. Oh well.

Newsflash: not everyone speaks English.

Newerflash: not everyone who speaks English speaks your particular brand of colloquial English.

Newestflash: you probably were already aware of this, but oh well.

From the book "101 Activities for Bored Foreigners in Japan"

I have, in fact, done this, and it is, in fact, fun. The best is giving little fliers to the people who are giving out fliers, because it creates a sort of feedback loop of confusion that blows their friggin' minds.

Also I drew this:

Any caption ideas?

Japanglish Fantasy League Vocabulary #4

Homodachi - n. 1). Your gay friend. 2). Your "Hetero Life Partner" 3). Pretty much anyone in the room at karaoke after five double shots of whiskey and "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

See also: Tomodachi, Homo, Bromance, Bro-hug, Good Game

Why we need this word: We don't particularly need this word, but it is fun to say. What's more, this linguistic corruption often gets a laugh out of native speakers too.

Frostbite frost bites

So tired of winter without insulation. The worst is when we occasionally have a warm day, and you remember what not being cold all the time feels like, and then you want the world to die.