The Most Important Meal of the Day

I love me some Japanese food something fierce. It's one of the main reasons I came back (which seems like a really horrible reason, until you imagine having a craving for a tuna onigiri for two damn years). Sure, there are a few inedible things like umeboshi or natto, but in general, shit be delicious. The main exception to this rule of deliciousness is breakfast. The traditional Japanese breakfast is essentially the worst parts of lunch and dinner, with miso and rice.

Meanwhile in America Damn It, we got waffles, pancakes, sausages, bacon, omelets, biscuits, cereal, and occasionally, fresh fruit. And that's just a SINGLE DISH at Denny's. We haven't even gotten into such variations as the chocolate chip pancake or the biscuit sandwich. American breakfast is so freaking sweet, I will sometimes eat it three times a day. It is not a meal. It is an institution.

All Americans Always Wear American Flags. Always.

So after drawing this comic, I realized it was this comic, in reverse. Oh well.

Newsflash: not everyone speaks English.

Newerflash: not everyone who speaks English speaks your particular brand of colloquial English.

Newestflash: you probably were already aware of this, but oh well.

From the book "101 Activities for Bored Foreigners in Japan"

I have, in fact, done this, and it is, in fact, fun. The best is giving little fliers to the people who are giving out fliers, because it creates a sort of feedback loop of confusion that blows their friggin' minds.

Also I drew this:

Any caption ideas?

Frostbite frost bites

So tired of winter without insulation. The worst is when we occasionally have a warm day, and you remember what not being cold all the time feels like, and then you want the world to die.

Elementary School Band Quarterly

Kiseki.

Do any other ALTs have this problem? There was a time when I actually enjoyed this song, a time before the music teachers at both of my schools also decided they enjoyed this song, and that the marching bands should rehearse it non-stop. Now simply hearing the first few notes is enough to inspire a loathing that is surpassed only by the despair of contemplating how many more times I will have to hear it before the school year ends.

Andrew W.K. also did a cover of this song, which is a major thematic departure from his previous work, such as It's Time to Party, Party Hard, and Party Till You Puke.

The Circle of Dumb

So there's a certain point in speaking Japanese (and probably any language), where you can communicate just enough to sound truly retarded. I am at this point. Because, you see, most people are mentally prepared for the basic mistakes. But it takes a true mastery of a language, a finesse if you will, to lure people into just enough of a false sense of security that you can drop a the reverse-Engrish bomb of epic proportions.

Anyway, I say stupid things in Japanese almost daily.

La Grippe Porcine

Ah, the inevitable Swine Flu comic. I couldn't decide if the vehicle rushing towards our unfortunate background character should be a train or a bus, but it turns out that I'm incapable of drawing either. So we ended up with something that looks like neither. Quantum public transportation?

Also, I drawed a girl with a pig snout face mask:


Classy.

On The Shooting Of One's Own Foot

For real. This may be the stupidest shit ever.

I dub thee Sir Phobos, Knight of Mars, beater of ass.

Among other lies I have told innocent school children: I speak five languages, my next-door neighbors are (on the right) Jack Bauer and (on the left), Obama, and I secretly work for the CIA. And they find all of this more credible than my ability to use chopsticks.


The next step is, of course, the introduction of Martian Law.


Just as Nintendo has forever ruined the name "Mario" for Italians who are not, in fact, overweight plumbers, they have ruined "Yoshi" for Japanese people who are not giant dinosaurs with sticky, retractable tongues.

No Dude, I Speak Spanish

Our model lesson plan actually went quite well. The topic was "What's your dream job?" and the most interesting student response was definitely "King of Games Card Shop Owner."

Oh You!

Nostalgia

I know the whole Somali piracy thing is kind of dated, but then again, so is the whole ninja vs. pirate thing.

Hoot And A Holler

Actually, people in Asago are far more likely to mistake me for a Canadian than a hillbilly. Then again, people back home are likely to make the same mistake.

And bizarrely enough, a Japanese guy called my school today (okay, so that part's not so weird). Apparently, he heard that I'm from West Virginia and wants to talk about bluegrass music? He was talking really fast, so I'm not sure exactly what he said, but this promises to be interesting.

Yeah, so there are actually a bunch of comics I did recently that kind of...didn't work. So I'm going to post them all at once.

"Hiroshima Memorial Firework Festival"


Gaijin Card. Funnyish, but too similar to this comic.


Power-oke. When we do karaoke, we fucking DO IT.


This actually works, but...

So does this. There is nothing funnier than watching the little prematurely sullen bastards lighting up like a room full of Christmas trees.


But not for a spell-check. Or for teaching children not to stick their fingers up peoples butts.

More Shinto Humor

Magic Shinto paper strips.

Don't really like how this turned out. Thinking about redrawing it. Posting it so that I can move on with the comic instead of going to upload it and thinking "I should redraw this" and not posting anything.

Would feel bad about not drawing more often if I was horribly ill less often.

Makes Wicked Left Turns

More Cutlery Humor

A link for those familiar with Setsubun, the Festival of Beans

Yeah, I know Setsubun was yesterday, but it's still Febuary third in America...even though, you know, it isn't celebrated there.

Thought about including short descriptive phrases like "Western devils are evil tormentors blah blah blah" and "Japanese devils are the same, with chopsticks," but decided that was redundant. But this version seems to be lacking something. Dunno...this might have worked better as a four-panel.

Anywho, I have pneumonia in both lungs. Horray?

Nap Meeting

I don't know if this counts as a proper comic. It's more of a neologism - hirune-kai, the nap-meeting. A foreigner working in Japan will have any number of hirune-kai in a week; long, boring meetings conducted in lightning fast Japanese that you can't understand, on topics that aren't relevant to you, about decisions you have no say in. So, I generally use this time to take naps. Thus, the hirune-kai.

Big Voice! Big Smile!

Overpaid: strong yen, hired straight out of college, able to afford pretty much everything I actually want.

Underpaid; seven-year-olds trying to stick their fingers up my butt.

Right to Privacy Vs. Right to Privates

This may be my favorite Demographic Crisis comic, if only for the use of the word "decriminalize." Also, obese anime fan is quickly becoming my favorite character.

And I just realized that my craptastic scanner cut off the word "crisis."